Family break

Childhood Family Trauma

someone from the past

Timeline: 2.5 years out of my family system.
There was a person in my life, who filled a role of a brother to me in some way. He is loud and bossy and toxic, exactly the kind of way that I'm used to. He himself even noticed that he is a lot like my mother, even though he have never seen her and I don't think I mentioned her that much throughout our friendship. Still he figured he was like her, and it rings true to me. Ever since I have stopped talking to my family, our friendship went into decline. Mostly because he vigorously defended the disfunction of my family with traditional pseudo arguments "they are your family" and "she is your mother", he asserted this stance before I even tried to describe what was happening to me. It was irrelevant, he didn't want to know. He had the answer and it was a stereotype. Back then I only said:
"You talk as if you know, when, in fact, you have no idea"
I haven't seen him much since that. It's been some time. Some time that I've spent learning about myself and family system conditioning, training myself to approach things differently, not to people please as much, be more present with my feelings, act on them, recognize triggers, and try not to act on them, stand up for myself with kindness to others before feeling the resentment (or at least as soon as I start feeling resentment). It's been weird to question everything I do (with questions like "is this constructive?", "does it help?", "does it lead where I want to go?") and untangle to my best ability.
But I know it's worth it. I know I want it. I know I need it. Sometimes I fail and get sad, sometimes I succeed and feel joyful.
Recently I've met him in a café and we talked. I addressed why I haven't been looking forward to seeing him - he was against my choice to distance myself from my family without even hearing me out. He heard that. I think. At least he didn't try to boss me about it. I skipped the explanations I wanted to present to him a year ago - I've lost my trust in him. I had another friend with me, and bro kind of deviated to ignoring me and talked more to my friend, visibly uncomfortable by the lack of the power his judgements used to have on me. It's okay, he doesn't need to like me.
I feel that I was louder that night. Louder in comparison to a year-ago-me. I chose my words less carefully. If my ideas don't fit his mindset.. oh well. It's curious how people can highlight the changes in you, if you see them seldom.
I feel the change.